the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
