I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
