so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
