Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My dick has a subreddit
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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