i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Pants are for mortals
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize