Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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