Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
