Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How's work?
Spinning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize