so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
