My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
