Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
