he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
