while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
