I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
