you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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