he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it because I queefed?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
