I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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