I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
