I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
