my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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