I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
