Will you blow on my dice?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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