Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
