If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
