God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
