I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize