Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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