I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
