I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize