You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
