can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My liver just had a heart attack.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
