i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
