Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
