hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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