When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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