I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
