Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
