Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
