i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
