dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
