Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
