I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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