Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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