true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
