Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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