she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
