her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
