Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so let's talk penis.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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