so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize