I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
