Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
