Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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