he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
