I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
