Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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