you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
