I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
