i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
