I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
