the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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