Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There's even glitter on my cock...
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