Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
well I can't set my house on fire every night
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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