At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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