And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
