What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
