found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
