why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
