hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
