I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
