After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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