Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So many bounce houses so little time
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize