Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
