There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
