so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
