Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
