Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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