Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
