i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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